Pondering

The closer it gets to Gracie's arrival, the more I remember the first hours and days after Isaac was born.  Even if you've had children before, I wonder if there's ever a point where an expectant mother isn't nervous about giving birth.  I had a natural childbirth with Isaac and lately I've been remembering how incredibly strenuous it is on the body.  And while my time in the hospital was beyond joyous, the first days at home were an emotional roller coaster as hormones began to level out and I felt the overwhelming realization that we were now responsible for another human life.  Where there was previously no one else besides my husband and I, there was now a little person living in our house that relied on us for everything, and we were responsible to know what those needs were and to meet them.  There was no longer any baby nurses lurking down the hall to help in a moments notice.  And while I felt such an overwhelming, instant love for my son, I also experienced every spectrum of emotion, from joy to anger, that my life was so drastically changed.  In addition, I was learning to breastfeed and I remember thinking how something so natural shouldn't be such a mystery, and at times, difficult.

But then hormones and emotions started to level out and things started to take their proper perspective.  Even with breastfeeding, there would come a time when I would be able to go on a date with my husband again.  There would come a time when this little person could tell me what was wrong as opposed to crying for anything and everything.  And, sadly, there would come a time when this little guy wouldn't need me as he did then.  And very quickly, breastfeeding difficulties weren't so difficult.  And sleep deprivation was understood to be a temporary thing.

I look at my little man now and see a little boy...not a baby anymore.  This same little boy that once cried when he was hungry now says "Cracker, please" about 10 times a day and tells me he wants "Eegurt" (yogurt) for breakfast.  This same little boy that once cried when he wanted to be held now says "Mommy, hold you" when he wants to be held.  The face that I've kissed a million times now gives kisses in return and likes to give his little sister kisses and hugs through mommy's tummy.  And this morning he gave little sister his pacifier by holding it up to my tummy.

John quotes in his gospel that "whenever a woman is in labor she has pain, because her hour has come; but when she gives birth to the child, she no longer remembers the anguish because of the joy that a child has been born into the world" (John 16:21, NASB).  This was true for me after I gave birth to Isaac.  The pain experienced through childbirth was forgotten once I met my son for the first time.  So I suppose I shouldn't be so nervous about the birth of Gracie.  And with this being my second child,  I know this time that you can breastfeed and life will still eventually get back to some sort of normalcy, where you can go to the grocery store on your own and know that your child won't starve until your return.

I'm sure that hormones and emotions will still be a very present part of my postpartum experience.  But it's been good for me to remember those precious experiences with my first child.  I'm still a little nervous about the labor and birth!  But this time I know firsthand what a joy children bring to your life.  There's nobody else on earth for whom you would make such willing sacrifices.  There's no one else on earth that you love so deeply in an instant upon meeting them.

Children give us a glimpse of God's love for His own children.  God's Word says there is rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents and is "born again."  Likewise, we're eagerly anticipating the birth of Gracie and can't wait to rejoice over the new life God has given to us.  What an honor it is to be parents!  We can't wait for her arrival!